I’m so angry I could spit, No, change that, I’m so angry I could rip the head off a Range Rover driver and boil it for soup. Not very ladylike I know. But one such bottom feeding scum bag really got to me this morning.

I was outside the cottage scraping  frost off the windscreen of my car, it’s an elderly Volvo with no heated glass.  The entire heating system is buggered actually. Between October and May there is no heat at all and sometimes it has ice on the inside of the windows. There’s a leak somewhere  and when it rains hard in the winter there’s a frozen pond in the passenger footwell. Fast forward to the hottest days of July and August and the system pumps out wind not unlike the boiling breath of hell. It comes from under the dashboard, it pumps through all the vents and gushes straight upwards onto the windscreen. There’s nothing I can do to stop it and I’m told it part of an old Volvo’s character.

Anyway, back to this morning. I was scraping the ice off the car when a Range Rover driver pulled up just in front of me. “You couldn’t get a fire engine though that gap” he called. Well it was a good thing he wasn’t driving one, I replied.

He went on to say there wasn’t room for him to get past even though there was about two feet of clearance either side of his Chelsey tractor.

I don’t know why they have to drive those things when they live in a town, this Goliath looked like it had never been on anything as unpaved as a grass verge, let alone done any serious off road driving.

Anyway, we had a full and frank exchange of view, (that’s another way of saying a shouting match) in the middle of the road. He said I was blocking the way, I told him to turn around and go out the other end of the road. It was only about fifty yards, after all. He told me “there was no need to be a << insert very rude word here >> about it. I said I’d been parking in this space for twenty five years and he was the first person to say anything about it.

Then I simply ignored him and carried on scraping my car. Eventually he got board of just shouting rude words at me and he drove off, past my car without any problem on my side or on the other.

I really don’t understand why he had to be such an arse, it’s a horrible way to start the day and it had me quite wound up for the next couple of hours. As it was, Hubert caught the worst of it when I got to the office. I can swear like a navvy, when I’m wound up and this morning I almost bust my spring

Claudilia Belcher.